Relationship Bridges: Friends!!
You: "Mom? Can Emma and I have a playdate after school today?"
Mom: "Sure thing kid! I will text her mom."
You: "Mom, can Emma come over to practice soccer with me?"
Mom: "Yeah! Tell her in class."
You: "Mom, Emma wants to come over and study together this afternoon. Ok?"
Mom: "Text her and tell her yes!"
You: "Hi Emma! Didn't know you drove over here!"
Mom: "Emma's here?!"
Can you see how much friendships change over the years? First...you're young enough where mom schedules all of your playdates, most likely knows the names and ages of all of your friends, and even monitors your playtime. Next...you're old enough where you're learning to have interactions with friends without mom telling you to "say sorry" or "offer her water". You can play activities together and juggle your own conversations. Then...it turns into spontaneous hangouts! Now, all you have to do is text her and get an OK from your mom. Your mom might know a few of your friends, but you're old enough know you handle relationships almost always on your own. Before you know it...Emma drives over just about every afternoon! See the change?
Let's talk about friends. How many of them have you texted this morning? Perhaps you haven't given a thought about your outside friends from school yet, or maybe you've already had a deep-text-talk with all of them. Either way, you probably like to stay connected to your friends through social media and real life events. It's apart of us. Teenagers need close friends! We are wired to want to be with our friends most of the time. But how do you stay friends through all the drama going on right now?
FIRST! Take this short quiz to see what type of friend you are...
- It's your best friend's birthday. You...
A: Send her a homemade card in the mail- a day early!
B: Hit her up with a text late that day. Lots of emoji's.
C: Plan a surprise birthday and invite all the group!
D: Write her a looooooooooooong letter in her favorite shade of blue.
2: Much has happened to you both through summer. She walks up to you in the hall and you...
A: Give her a big hug and ask about the shark tooth necklace she's wearing.
B: Scream and throw your arms around her and burst into a story about a girl you saw that looked just like her neighbor in Florida.
C: Jump really high and squeeze her to death as you explain the hangout you planned after school for all the old friends.
D: Excitedly embrace her and ask how her summer was, then tell her a brief summary about what you did.
3: Your best friend betrayed you. Now, she's hanging out will the popular girls and has a boyfriend. She never has time for you, and you feel hurt. You...
A: Nervously text her in a kind way asking what she thought of you.
B: Nudge her in between classes and say "Whats wrong with you?" You're hurt after all!
C: Say nothing. When she wants to talk to you, she'll say something.
D: Let it go! After all, you've probably done the same at times you don't remember. But you eventually write her if she does something on purpose.
You like to be loyal and creative around your friends. You care about their feelings and their hobbies, although you don't let them control you. You like to be artsy and seize the day...your friends feelings come before yours. You're a great loyal friend!
Your friends all love you because you're so energetic and comedic. You live being the center of attention, even if that means your friend being quiet most of the time. You're able to speak up and defend people, that's why your friends love you so much!
You love having a group of friends you depend on. You like having one on one talks, along with lots of sleepovers and starbucks trips! You light up when you're around people, and you tend to switch personalities when around different friends. You can adapt exceptionally well to anyone!
You are selective on your friend types, but the friends you do have are just like sisters. you share everything and are intimate soul sisters. You find it hard to say things out loud at times, but that's why you're thankful for the mailman. You can be quiet and loud, although you prefer to be quiet. Your friends think you're funny in your own unique way. You love your friends a lot...but not as much as they love you!
Whatever kind of friend you are, you can leave your sweet, funny, loyal personality in a blink. All it takes is one incident to split friends up. How do you reconnect relationship bridges? Texting? Bullying? Cold-shoulder? Isolation? Here's three key points to live by when you face conflict!
- Evaluate the situation. Was it a misunderstanding? Something you said or she said? Something she didn't say? Once you know the root, you'll know how to make it right.
- Brush off judgement. Don't spend the time reconnecting by going over what SHE did wrong. Admit your flaws, and maybe she'll admit to hers. You wouldn't want her telling you what you did wrong!
- COMMUNICATE! It's really best to do this in person. Not in text, or especially on social media messaging even if it's private. This is how girls get so many false misunderstandings. Talk it out calm and collectively.
Friends can hurt. You don't have to pretend betrayal doesn't, trust me. You need to face reality whether you want to or not. Forgiveness now can mean a friend later.